A few weeks ago, I had a party. This blog came up in conversation, and a friend mentioned that he used to blog, that he would write to process his feelings and thought that maybe people would like to read the process. That is not how I felt about it. I NEVER thought that anyone besides maybe my very close friends would care for anything I had to say, or the overly honest way in which I say it. The only reason I posted that first blog was because I had drank an entire bottle and a half of wine and I was feeling emotional and I didn't care who knew about it.
I was never really encouraged as a kid. I was told what to do a lot. But no one ever told me I could be anything I wanted. I was told not to sing and that my dancing was silly. Told that I was smart but not THAT smart, and there wasn't enough money for me to get a real education anyway. I was belittled, abused and made to feel worthless. People always tell me they're impressed with how I've "overcome adversity" to become the person I am now. Since I started writing, you have all been so fucking nice. I wasn't expecting the outpouring of support and compliments, and to be honest I still don't know how to deal with them. I'm intensely grateful to everyone that even reads it, and for the kind and gracious feedback. I'm pretty pathetic so the outside validation does wonders for my confidence, and being help accountable to write every week is great. I tend to lose faith in myself in any and all of my pursuits, and accordingly have poor long term follow through.
Thank you. You guys rock. See you next week.
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