A few days ago was my five year anniversary of being a bonafide Vancouver resident. I gotta tell you, it's been a great and crazy five years. I've met so many people that are just super, and some that really just sucked. I've loved, learned and lost. I've been semi homeless, gotten my father arrested, performed in a burlesque show, done MDMA, mushrooms and even tried cocaine once (yucky). I've been drugged at a bar, swam naked in the ocean, adopted a cat, racked up thousands of dollars in credit card debt and sold my panties to a stranger. I've had to deal with the grief of people dying, I've gotten tattoos. I've been to a crazy amount of concerts and shows, met celebrities and had just, so much sex. I've been a vegetarian, and gone gluten-free. The greatest people I've ever known I've met here. I've dated, become a feminist, had an eating disorder and found my self respect.
And I've decided that maybe the city isn't for me.
It's loud and expensive. People are shallow and selfish. It takes forever to do anything. I work all of the time, but I never have any money. I have to live with strangers, which means I never really feel comfortable in my own home. I'm sick of having to have headphones in to be able to think. I miss being able to go for a walk in the woods, being able to walk everywhere. I'm just unhappy. I guess my heart is just more small town than I thought.
The answer seems clear to me. Move. But it gets harder when I realize that if I go, I'm going alone. Again. I'd lose my partner. He's not interested in just picking up and moving away. And I mean, if I'm just sitting in my new, lovely apartment, in lovely, rural BC downing wine and crying, holding my cat until he squawks and runs away because I'm so fucking alone, that's not really an improvement. Although I'd able to afford more wine. I'll have so much free time I could probably just make the damn wine, since I'll be so fucking alone. It would get better though. I'd make friends, I'm friendly. I've got vibrators, I'd get off- I mean by. I'd get by. Whereas I feel that Vancouver has just, plateaued. I'm too drained and broke to do any of the fun things, I hate my apartment but can't afford to move into something better. I don't know what to do.
